Whether you’re at the office get-together or Sunday dinner, it seems like everyone is on some sort of diet or health kick or “lifestyle” to lose weight. Taco Night was nearly canceled when you got stuck at the grocery store trying to find a single package of tortillas that wasn’t labeled “Keto” or “Carb Balance” (no way your partner is going for those!). And then your doctor commented on your weight or cholesterol, and you found yourself reexamining your own diet.

Perhaps you’ve tried diets in the past and they got out of hand. Or maybe you have a family history of eating disorders. While you want to lose weight in order to feel better about your body, you’re wary of going down a slippery slope in your relationship with food. Alternatively, you may already be in the throes of dieting and wondering whether you’re taking it too far.

The good news is, we're going to set the record straight on when (or if) you need to worry about the diet/lifestyle change you're considering.

In this post, I’ll delve into the nuances of disordered eating and dieting and summarize the most consistent red flags I see that indicate a diet is bad news.

What is disordered eating?

While it’s tempting to think we can crack the code and identify a clear safety zone in which we are safe from disordered eating (or eating disorders), research suggests a more nuanced picture. Disordered eating has been understood as a continuum of behaviors, from garden-variety dieting (whatever that means) to clinical eating disorders. Or, as I propose in the below graphic, a progressive shift away from the intuitive, flexible approach to eating that most of us are born with (see this page for more info).

As infants, we typically know when we are hungry and when we’re ready to smack our food off the highchair. We also aren’t particularly concerned with changing our rolls or chubby cheeks. At this stage we are natural intuitive eaters, letting our bodies run the show. But as we get older, we absorb the shoulds and shouldn’ts of our loved ones and the culture (as well as the current body ideals) and learn to distrust our bodies.

For many, dieting—making intentional changes to eating habits with the goal of weight loss or body control—is what triggers the slide into increasingly disordered eating. Maybe you start with a comparatively mild diet plan (e.g., reducing your sugar intake, just to feel better in your clothes), but over time, even small amounts of sugar begin to trigger guilt and anxiety about eating. These shifts can pave the way for behaviors like extreme restriction, binge eating, and (potentially) diagnosable eating disorders (the far end of the continuum).

The more we stop relying on our bodies’ innate wisdom and treat them as something to be controlled, the greater the risk of eating disorder symptoms (diagnosable or otherwise).

The good and bad news is that the continuum is not always linear. Factors such as stress, life changes, and levels of exposure to diet culture can all cause people to move back and forth along the spectrum. Knowing where you fall on this continuum and recognizing signs of a shift is crucial for intervening and accessing support.

Red Flags of Disordered Eating

1. Rigidity and obsessiveness

   What percentage of your day is spent thinking about food (or your body, or both)? Are you able to be flexible if dinner plans change after you’ve already pre-selected from the online menu? If you are preoccupied with thoughts about what you should or shouldn’t be eating rather than fully participating in your life (wasn’t enjoying life the ultimate point of this in the first place?), it’s time to reevaluate. Furthermore, if your diet is looking more like “cutting out” things than being mindful about your food choices, you may have lost the plot.

2. Social and emotional turmoil

   Food is inherently relational; we eat with loved ones to celebrate, grieve, honor traditions, or simply connect. So if your social calendar has become a wasteland due to avoiding any get-togethers that may interfere with your diet, this is a serious quality-of-life issue. The same applies if your diet is starting to affect your emotions. Maybe you’re frequently anxious or guilty or ashamed due to past or potential food transgressions. When your new eating plan starts to make you feel miserable or isolated, it’s time to take a step back.

3. Physical and behavioral changes

   When our bodies aren’t getting enough energy or nutrients, it’s common to have physical symptoms, such as extreme hunger, lightheadedness, GI problems, or hair loss (to name a few). People may also start feeling out of control around food, which can lead to binge eating (i.e., eating larger-than-typical amounts of food in a compulsive manner followed by shame), hiding food, and/or other behaviors. These are all biologically normal experiences when our bodies are restricted (think cave man days) but distressing for those trying to diet. If you’re noticing any of these, your diet is likely not only unsustainable but also physically dangerous.

Why is it so easy to become disordered?

Perhaps the biggest contributor to the problem is diet culture (and, if we break it down further, racism). Diet culture has been defined as follows:

“Diet culture—a system of beliefs that equates thinness, muscularity, and particular body shapes with health and moral virtue; promotes weight loss and body reshaping as a means of attaining higher status; demonizes certain foods and food groups while elevating others; and oppresses people who don’t match its supposed picture of ‘health.’” — Christy Harrison, MPH, RD

Messages telling us that our bodies are wrong are inescapable. Thinness is portrayed as our ticket to health, love, virtue… anything we could want or need. Due to anti-fat bias, our society was constructed without consideration for larger bodies (and often intentionally excluding them). Dieting becomes a gateway to self-worth and access to basic amenities (e.g., ability to buy clothes in stores, comfortable seating, good medical care). Unfortunately, already-hurt people are harmed further when well-meaning dieting turns into dangerously disordered eating.

To complicate things further, exposure to a wide range of “lifestyles” and diets shown on social media means that anything can be normalized. Not to mention the endless feed of “perfect” bodies to remind you of the ways you fall short. It’s hard not to get sucked in by the parade of miracle diets and “after photos” selling you a better life.

And then there are the factors closer to home. People with a personal or family history of eating disorders, trauma, or other mental health challenges are at greater risk for developing eating disorders (i.e., moving further along the continuum). Ditto for personality traits like perfectionism that make all-or-nothing thinking second nature. People with underrepresented identities (e.g., transgender people, certain racial or ethnic minorities) are also more vulnerable.

It is not your fault if you’ve noticed a slide into disordered eating. For the above reasons (and many others), we are practically encouraged to adopt disordered eating behaviors. You being here is the first step in protecting yourself or healing your relationship with your body and food.

Next Steps to Prevent (or Address) Disordered Eating

• Set boundaries (with yourself and others). If the word “boundaries” is making you twitch, know that these don’t have to look like dramatic, confrontational speeches. Boundaries are more about what you are going to do than about other changing anyone else. Maybe you’d benefit from curating your social media feed to include fewer accounts that trigger comparison or make you feel pressured. You might also ask your coworkers to avoid diet talk when you’re around (and plan to step out if they don’t). It’s perfectly okay if setting these boundaries is difficult at first. The goal is to create a space where you can maintain a healthier relationship with food and your body.

• Consider a non-diet approach. Approaches like Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size (HAES) shift the focus away from controlling your weight and toward nurturing your overall wellbeing. Intuitive Eating encourages you to reconnect with your body’s natural hunger and fullness cues, while HAES promotes health (in the form of health-promoting behaviors and equitable access to healthcare and necessities) and respect for all bodies. You can improve your health and wellbeing without micromanaging your body’s shape or size.

• Seek support. Maybe you noticed quite a few red flags in your eating and would like support in healing your relationship with food and your body. Working with a licensed therapist and dietitian (see my Resources page for a list of dietitians I partner with) who specialize in disordered eating can help you get unstuck faster. Having a team to support you is especially important for those further along the disordered eating continuum (although it is never too soon to seek help).

Finally, it's important to recognize that your worth is not determined by your body size or diet. By unsubscribing from diet culture, you can begin to live a life that truly aligns with your values and well-being.

Want to explore this further in therapy?

Assisting clients in reclaiming their lives from disordered eating and negative body image is the bread and butter of my work. I practice from a weight-inclusive, non-diet perspective, which means I don’t focus on or recommend dieting or other means of intentional weight loss (but I won’t judge you if it’s something you’re doing or wrestling with!). If you’re interested in rebuilding your relationship with food and your body to be less punishing and more compassionate, I’m here to help.

Schedule a free 15-minute consultation call to learn more about how we can work together.

Note: This practice supports body autonomy and recognizes that there are various reasons why one may pursue intentional weight loss, including to mitigate the effects of weight stigma or discrimination (or other forms of oppression). It should also be acknowledged that intuitive eating (in its full form) is not universally accessible and may not be possible or indicated for people experiencing food scarcity or insecurity, or those in early recovery from eating disorders.