Therapy for People Pleasers

Signs you might be a people pleaser

  • The day is already over before you have a moment for yourself

  • You can’t keep up with your own work because of all the tasks you agreed to do for others

  • You labor over decisions for fear of someone being unhappy with your choice

  • You feel bitter toward people who decline invitations without a “good reason”

  • You’ve been at a job you hate for years because it’s never a good time to quit (how would your coworkers manage without you?)

  • You’ve started to resent people asking for your help

You tell yourself you’re just being a team player and that it would be rude to say no. Besides, it feels good to help others (most of the time). But trying to be everything for everyone else is taking a toll.

You feel resentful toward your partner for relaxing while you rush to the next thing. Where’s the support? You’d love to catch up on rest, but you still need to wrap gifts for so-and-so’s baby shower, run errands, drop off the Apple TV your friend asked to borrow, help make decorations for your kid’s holiday concert… (you get the picture)

On top of that, your friendships have become one-sided (you go above and beyond for them, but where are they when you need something?), and you can’t figure out what you’re doing wrong.

At work, you take on projects you’re unqualified for so you’ll be seen as a “good employee,” only to spend an all-nighter reinventing the wheel, anxious you’ll end up letting people down.

When you inevitably hit your limit and can’t do something, you feel depressed and inadequate.

Life shouldn’t be this hard.

Making everyone else happy inevitably means that your boundaries suffer.

But boundaries get a bad rap in our culture. We assume “setting boundaries” means being selfish, giving ultimatums, controlling others, etc. Further, we worry that if we try to set boundaries, people will get mad at us or reject us altogether.

But boundaries are about expressing our needs and what we will do to get those needs met, whether or not others change a thing.

They give us back our agency because we’re not depending on others to guess (or care) what our needs and limits are.

And boundaries can be kind. And help you help others because you’re not depleted and resentful. How cool would it be to reserve your “yes” for times when you really mean it so that when you do help others you feel energized and fulfilled? To have energy left for your family because you didn’t spend it all on other people?

If we work together, we’ll help you set expectations and limits in ways that are authentic and effective. And while we’re at it, we’ll take a look at any worthiness wounds underlying your need to please. It’s not selfish; it’s helping you feel better so you can do better for those you care about.

Ready to take back control?

It’s okay to do something for yourself! Schedule your free 15-minute consultation, and let’s chat.